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Guidelines for Fathers Part 3: It Takes More Than Bible, Beans And Bed
by Norman Bales
All About Families


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What does a conscientious father need to provide for his children? Some fathers seem to think they've done their job if they provide "Bible, beans and bed." They make sure their children attend Sunday School. They provide food and a comfortable place to stay. Isn't that enough? No, it's not. In the two previous installments of our series, we suggested that God is the perfect model of fatherhood. We are exploring concepts of fathering based on the following texts.

Matthew 6:6
"But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you."

Matthew 7:7-8
"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened."

In this installment, we want to explore the fatherhood implications of Jesus' promise, "he who seeks finds." For some parents, it's very difficult to give our children the freedom to seek. While we would never state it this way, we really want to impose our belief system on them. And up to a point, that's understandable. What Christian father doesn't want his children to be faithful to God? After all, what kind of Christian would you be if it didn't matter to you whether or not your children shared heaven with you?

The Bible is very clear about the need for parental instruction. In Ephesians 6:4 Paul encouraged fathers to actively engage themselves in the work of training and nurturing. We're charged with an important task. According to Deuteronomy 6, in the Hebrew home spiritual education was family centered. Titus 2 indicates spiritual education was a family affair in the Christian home.

Proverbs 22:6 has put a big time guilt trip on a lot of us. "Train up the child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it." We've read that as an ironclad guarantee, which it is not. It is a statement of a general principle. The truth is that we are dealing with enormous problems in terms of passing our faith along to the next generation. The following quotation disturbs me: " . . . the chain linking generations in the Christian community seems to be breaking apart. American Christians ought to be terrified . . . because little Christians are simply not growing up to be big Christians anymore." (Thomas G. Long "Beavis and Butthead Get Saved" Preaching Today. (July, 1994).

But how do you stop it? Many of us assume the answer is indoctrination. If we tell our children the right things to believe and if we tell them enough times, we assume they'll get the message and be faithful. If they become unfaithful, it's because we didn't tell them enough times. I want to let you in on a little secret. It's not working. We've never considered the possibility that they might not be hearing what we're telling them.

It ought to be obvious to us that we need to provide them with a credible example. Our children probably learn more from modeling than any other source. In my adult life, I've become aware of my own tendency to follow the example of my father. Sometimes it's subconscious, but his influence has been indelibly stamped on me and I cannot escape it. Years ago a friend met my father and afterwards offered this comment. "Now I know why you like to talk so much, Norman." I'm afraid I plead guilty as charged. We pick up both positive and negative traits from our parents. That's a scary thought, but it's true.

It is a mistake, however, to think that example alone is enough. The experiences of two great Old Testament figures, Eli and Samuel, suggest otherwise. If we want to pass along our faith, we'll need to go beyond information and example. That will be the subject of our last installment in this series.

Next Installment: Part Four "How To Encourage a Seeking Spirit"

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